You ever get your haircut by Ralph down there? You know Ralph? Old guy. Got them big ol’ hearing aids. Nice guy. I tell you though, he’s probably the most powerful man in town. You wouldn’t think it to look at him but I bet he knows more secrets than any gossiping old lady you could point too. You see, I don’t think he needs them hearing aids. Sure he acts like he can’t hear a damn word you say...Hey Ralph just cut a little bit and then he buzzes the top of your head...I think he just does that to make people tell him secrets. Imagine all them secrets he must know...you don’t mess with somebody like that.
I don’t go down there too often. I don’t see no sense in getting your haircut more than twice a year. The minute you cut it, it starts growing back. That and I don’t know what I’m liable to slip up and say down there. The kids go down there a lot...they like it because he gives them a piece of bubble gum at the end...but I think he does that for more secrets...or tips.
Ralph. He’s got to be the richest guy in town too. All them haircuts...tips...that’s all cash. Every mill worker that gets out for a spit shine on a friday...man there down just throwing cash at him. And you can hide cash from the government. Hell, about the only damn thing you can hide from ‘em these days... He probably tells Uncle Sam he doesn’t make no money at all...and how would they ever know...Uncle Sam don’t care about no haircuts.
I think if I had all that money and all them secrets I could cause some real trouble around here...so could Ralph...but he don’t. Nope, he just cuts hair and listens to secrets...and sweeps up all that hair and throws it in his garden. That’s why his sweet corn always comes up before everybody elses. You like sweet corn?
I like sweet corn but I’d be a little hesitant to eat some that had been grown in hair. I’ve seen some folks down there that...well let’s just say I don’t think their hair would taste that delicious. But I’ll tell you one thing, if Ralph told me to eat his corn I’d do it...cause despite them big ol’ hearing aides he’s the most richest and powerfulest guy round here...and you don’t mess with that.