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Billy's Ladder

February 7, 2019

Billy “Will-Billy” Turner and his wife Vicky “Songbird” Culedge Turner had been married for 41 years. They had been High School sweethearts and married right after graduation. They had, in fact, never loved anyone else. Billy was a ‘chemical engineer’ at Julep Textile Mill, even though he had never been to college. “You either learn by trial and error, or you die, that’s the way I see it.” His job was to mix up the dye for the various yarns and to make sure that nobody did anything dumb or dangerous during production.

Vicky was a homemaker and was an avid soloist at Julep First Baptist, but would also fill in where needed with the Julep First Methodist choir. Her voice was uniquely off-key but she had been led to believe she was the best singer in town and nobody would dare challenge her. Besides, it was somewhat entertaining to watch a room full of people wince in unison when she hit a high note.

Billy and Vicky’s existence was the pretty vanilla picture of middle-class, small town matrimony one would expect. That is, until it came time for Billy to hang up his safety goggles and retire from the mill. The two didn’t have any expectations for retirement. “Just figure we’ll ride it out until we can’t ride it no more.” Since they were spending so much time in the home Vicky thought it would be nice to take on some much needed renovations to their aged home, starting with the installation of carpet on the bottom level of their house. “When the Good Lord comes for one of us at least the other will be able to get more for the house.”

The beautiful long leaf pine floors that were original to the victorian style manor had faded over time and had various miscolored spots from where Billy would accidentally track in dye from his work boots. “Looks like wet dog with rainbow paint came in here and shook off.” When asked for his opinion on the color of the carpet Billy didn’t care about it either way...at first. Vicky decided on pure white. She felt that it gave off a certain air of sophistication and elegance that she was finally worthy of showing off in the autumn of her life.

It would never have been guessed but the installation of this pristine white carpet came to be the biggest test of Billy and Vicky’s relationship. The problems started when Billy refused to stop wearing his old work boots in the house. Little pieces of old dye would catch on the carpet and stain it. Vicky asked Billy to remove his shoes in the house but Billy refused. “What if I got to outside? Then I got to stop and put my shoes on. What if there is any emergency? What if I go upstairs? Ain’t no carpet up there. I could get a splinter from that old wood floor.”

A compromise was struck when Billy purchased an industrial carpet cleaner and a new pair of footwear. For a time this truce held, but Billy, bless his heart, came in one day and tracked red clay all over the carpet. It took Vicky four runs of the carpet cleaner to get out. “Dang Billy, I can’t keep on doing this. I got the arthritis in the hands and this dern thing is heavy.” Billy loved his wife but he just couldn’t bring himself to be ‘one of them’ people that always took their shoes off when entering a house. “I didn’t grow up like that. We hadn’t lived like that and I don’t plan on starting it now.”

But Billy knew. And Vicky knew. Vicky, was always going to get her way. It’s just the way it was. The shrillness of her voice and the high decibels were enough to drive anyone into submission just to get it to stop. Stubborn ol’ Billy had to decide between his wife and his culture. Then he remembered his extension ladder. He could save his marriage, wear his shoes in the house, and win the argument. He decided he would just enter and exit through the 2nd story of the house even if he was an aged man. “You either learn by trial and error, or you die, that’s the way I see it.”

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